November 2009
2 posts
A Book Deal about Blogs Looking For Book Deals
Hours Upon Hours of Spring 2009 based Material…
http://giveusabookdeal.tumblr.com/
http://pleasegiveusabookdeal.tumblr.com/
http://tumblrbookdeal.tumblr.com/
Tweets About Tumblr: A Novel
I will start a twitter, based solely on tumblr. Not links to other people’s Tumblrs, but ABOUT Tumblr. About it’s inner workings, all the book deals that go down, etc…
I will write a series of 140 character ‘tweets’ about Tumblr. Those Twitter gifts from God will be turned into a TV show, which will then be turned into a Tumblr.
That Tumblr will then be giving...
April 2009
5 posts
Excuses Why You Can't Go Out With Me
Each day we will post a new reason why we have been rejected by a girl. “I don’t like Men.” “I heard you had a small ding-dong” “I’m allergic to dates” “I hate ugly people.” We will then get guest contributors. Regular Joe-Schmos talking about their worst excuses. Like Bill Filliamson from Tucson, MA who would write it: ...
What If I Were James Cromwell?
Alright Random House, follow me on this one. This pre-supposes that James Cromwell never existed, and that I am a lot older than I actually am. But let’s just say for giggles and shits that I were James Cromwell. What would that world look like? Would everyone be happier? (yes). Would war exist? (no). If you give us a book deal we may be able to llustrate through 90 photoshops what...
Rules for my Future Dog
1. Stop being so fucking cute.
2. You better learn what shake means, motherfucker.
3. If you Bark, I will murder you.
4. Nuts gotta go.
5. If you don’t help me pick up chicks, so help me God, I will run you down with my car.
6. I don’t hold leashes. You hold your own leash.
7. I will NEVER clean up your dook.
These would all be separate entries, or “chapters.” I...
Rules For My Future Girlfriend
Hello our future girlfriend, have we got a book deal blog for you. We’ve decided to make a blog that gives readers a list of iron-clad rules they should have for women who date them. Rules women will be expected to follow because they outline common decency, good habits to form, and the very outlandish and specific sexual fetishes that we have. There will be rules like #198: “If I...
April Fools Day Pranks
What if we get all of our super successful, super hilarious L.A. comedian friends together on one tumblr account. Alright, hear me out on this… and they write up the HILARIOUS things they’ve done to prank other innocent people (or as us comedians like to call them — civilians). This will be great. We’ll get Jon Lajoie to write up a song about how he pranked his...
March 2009
4 posts
Slutty Ninjas
Everybody loves ninjas. And by everybody, we mean people who don’t enjoy any originality in their comedy. Originality complicates things, makes them difficult & challenging, and comedy is better left simple and non-thretening. It’s easier to just be one of the 324,932 blogs that make endless ninja & pirate jokes. All you have to do is think of something ironic, then talk...
Top Ten Top Ten Lists
Here’s the deal Harper’s Collins. We write you top ten lists of top ten lists. They’re the hot fad on the internet right now. Cracked.com is Digg.com’s #1 Reddit source. What we figure is that if we write top ten lists on other top ten lists, than thats about as meta as Kramer’s Coffee table book on coffee table books. That’s what it was, right? Maybe our first top ten list will be on...
Dudes We Could Beat Up
What if we made a blog about dudes we could probably beat up? Would you want to give us a book deal then? Dudes like Skeet Ulrich. I mean, he clearly ripped off Johnny Depp’s whole look, right? I bet he’d be a total bitch in a fight. He’d probably act tough at first, maybe talk a little smack, because he’d be with a whole douchetourage of b-actors who think because they...
Our Upscale East Coast Liberal Arts College
Oh, I’m sorry, did you work hard to maintain a solid B+ average for four years of high school? Did you make sure you had a well-rounded curriculum and an appropriate mixture of after-school clubs and charitable organizations in order to maintain an attractive resume to get into a selective, expensive-but-not-too-expensive liberal arts college on the East coast? Did you get an English...